'Self-acceptance is so scary and so important, and it can take so long, but the end result is the more freeing and happy feeling. I’m so proud to be non-binary and I can’t wait for my first Pride where I can wave my flag and feel accepted by everyone around me.' — 19 years old
This guide has been created based on the experiences of people who are currently on their own journeys: discovering their transgender or non-binary identities, or simply exploring the boundaries of their identity. This text will help you treat your feelings with care. It brings together answers to important questions: from initial doubts and finding a name to ensuring personal safety and looking after your mental health. This is not a strict set of instructions, but first and foremost a source of support for trans and non-binary people, as well as for anyone close to you who wants to understand you better.
On words and labels
Language is our primary tool for self-definition. A well-chosen word can bring a wonderful sense of community, but sometimes labels feel restrictive. Here, it is important to remember one simple rule: use only the words you feel comfortable with today. Over time, your perception may change, and that is absolutely normal. We are all different, so it is always worth clarifying which pronouns you prefer to be addressed by.
Although language is constantly changing, there are basic concepts that help us find our bearings. For example, transgender identity is when one’s internal sense of self differs from the sex assigned at birth. Some people identify as a trans woman or trans man, whilst others choose non-binary — an umbrella term for those whose identity goes beyond the choice between ‘man’ and ‘woman’. This includes gender fluidity, where one’s sense of self changes over time, genderqueer, and many other identities. It is worth mentioning intersex people separately — those born with variations in sex characteristics that do not fit into binary medical categories of sex. This is not the same as being transgender, but it is also an important aspect of human diversity.
When we talk about transitioning, we mean the process of any changes — social, legal or medical — that are necessary to achieve comfort. Your identity is important in its own right, even if you do not plan to transition or live ‘in the closet’, where those around you are unaware of your past.
The path to one’s own identity
'I wish I’d known that questioning your identity is something perfectly okay to do, everyone has the right to do it and that it’s alright to find that the conclusion you come to is personal and not part of a set of boxes defined by others.' — 24 years old
Finding yourself is not an exam, but a fascinating journey of discovery. Sometimes you may feel a conflict between society’s expectations and your inner world. The search for your ‘self’ can seem like a very lonely experience, but you are not alone — many people go through the same doubts.
It is important to remember that gender non-conformity is not an obstacle to your identity. You can be a trans man who likes make-up, or a non-binary person with any interests. Who you are is defined by your inner feelings, not by outdated stereotypes about masculinity or femininity.
Coming out: how to tell people about yourself
Coming out is not a one-time event, but a process that can be repeated throughout your life. Most importantly: you are not obliged to come out if you feel it is unsafe. Your identity is valid even if only you know about it. If you feel ready to tell your loved ones, you can prepare for this.
Try ‘testing the waters’ to start with: mention a well-known trans person or film character in conversation to gauge their reaction. Choose a time and place for the conversation where you will feel confident. Sometimes it is better to use a neutral space that you can easily leave. While putting this guide together, there was an example where a person felt more comfortable talking in a car: the lack of direct eye contact reduced the tension slightly. It’s also always worth having a safety plan: if you live with people whose support you’re unsure of, think in advance about which of your close friends or family you can go to and where your documents are kept.
What to do if you’re not understood
Unfortunately, not all conversations go smoothly. If you encounter negativity, give yourself time to process it and recover. You have every right to end the relationship if it only causes you pain. You can try setting boundaries by saying: ‘I understand it’s hard for you to get used to, but it hurts me to hear my old name. Please respect my request.’
As for parents, their negative reaction is often driven not by a lack of love, but by fear for your future. Many of them need time to adjust. As one mum says: “Fear of the unknown can be overwhelming. But that doesn’t mean that, in time, we won’t become your biggest supporters.”
Dysphoria, euphoria and self-care
Gender euphoria is a feeling of happiness and rightness when everything finally falls into place. In contrast, gender dysphoria brings discomfort and stress from the mismatch between the body and the inner self. It is important to understand that not all trans people experience dysphoria, and everyone copes with it differently. For some, a change of style helps; for others, the use of special accessories such as binders or packers. Look for what brings comfort specifically to you. At the same time, don’t forget about your mental health: if you feel you can’t cope, be sure to reach out to community-friendly specialists.
Legal and medical issues
The path of transition depends heavily on which country you are in. Social transition—that is, changing your name and pronouns within your social circle—is an important step that is accessible everywhere. You can always ask to be addressed differently in informal settings.
From a medical perspective, the situation is more complex: in some countries, access to hormone therapy is restricted by law or available only privately. The main priority here is to find a competent and caring specialist. Use word of mouth within the community and verified databases of human rights organisations to avoid facing discrimination in the doctor’s office. As for documents, legally changing them is not possible everywhere. Be sure to check the current legal situation in your region through relevant NGOs before starting any bureaucratic procedures.
Your safety in the real world
In an ideal world, school and work are safe places, but in reality we often have to be careful. Your identity is your private information, so don’t forget about digital hygiene. Messages on your devices can sometimes lead to accidental outing, so strong passwords and two-factor authentication are your best friends.
In educational settings, when facing bullying, it is important to assess your own strength realistically. Sometimes trying to seek justice through the school administration can make the situation worse. If you decide to seek support from older people, make sure it is safe for both you and them, taking into account the restrictions imposed by local legislation. Seek out those you trust, or contact counselling services. Remember: your main priority is to look after yourself until you can become independent.
For those close by: friends and family
If you are reading this guide, it means someone has confided in you, and that is very valuable. Just trust the person and listen without judgement. The best question you can ask is: ‘What can I do to help?’. Using their new name is a huge sign of respect. If you slip up and call them by their old name — don’t make a big deal of it, just apologise and correct yourself.
Members of the support group share: 'After coming out, a loved one remains just as important a person as ever. But the ability to be oneself openly brings so much freedom that it inspires everyone around them.'
We sincerely hope that this journey will lead you to the same freedom. Remember, you are not alone.
