'Don’t let society tell you or categorize you as confused or greedy because of who you are. We are not confused and we know exactly what we want. Being bisexual or pansexual does not make us different — and that goes for all LGBT+ people.' — Lisa, 23
What does it mean to be bi?
Bi people are those who are capable of feeling attraction and entering into relationships with people of more than one gender. A bi person, for example, might date or be married to a woman, a man or a non-binary person.
You may have a preference for a particular gender, or your preferences may change over time. Sexual orientation does not depend on your current relationship status: if a bisexual person is in a relationship with a woman, they do not become heterosexual — their identity remains the same.
Some people may use other terms: ‘pansexual’, ‘queer’ or ‘gay/lesbian’. Pansexuality is often chosen by those for whom gender identity is not a defining factor in relationships. ‘Queer’ is an umbrella term meaning that a person is not heterosexual.
Key definitions
- Sex assigned at birth: At birth, doctors determine sex based on biological characteristics.
- Gender: What defines a person across the spectrum of femininity or masculinity. This includes both social expectations regarding behaviour and personal self-perception and self-identification.
- Sexual orientation: Who you are attracted to. It is not determined by the sex assigned at birth or gender.
- Cisgender: A gender identity in which the sex assigned at birth and gender align. For example, a person assigned female at birth identifies as a woman.
- Intersex variations: Physical characteristics that do not fit the typical binary system.
Bisexual people make up a significant part of the community worldwide.
How do I know if I’m bisexual — and is that normal?
Being bisexual is absolutely normal! It’s natural, and bisexuality has always existed. Realising your orientation can take time, and that’s perfectly fine.
Questions to ponder:
- When you daydream or fantasise, do you think about people of different genders?
- Can you imagine yourself in a relationship with someone of any gender?
- Have you ever fallen in love with people of different genders?
It’s okay if you don’t have the answers yet. Your identity may still be developing. Only you can define yourself correctly.
'It’s okay to experiment. It’s okay to have "phases", it’s okay to try labels out for a while and learn they don’t fit, or go back and forth. It takes time. And you’re not a "bad" person of your other identities for it.' — Noor
What’s it like to be a young bi person?
Young people are paving the way for acceptance, but homophobia and biphobia still exist. Sometimes bisexuality is mistakenly called a ‘phase’, but your feelings are real. Seeking support can make your journey easier. Social media offers a way to connect and find other young people in the LGBTQ+ community. At the start of your journey, it’s vital to feel a sense of connection and support from those who share your experiences and understand you.
'My community of queer people of color is one of the most important things in my life. The people I’m closest to I’ve found though LGBTQ advocacy.' — Ose, 19
Should I come out?
Coming out is the process of accepting your sexuality and deciding who to tell. Research shows that bisexual people are often less likely to come out openly than gay and lesbian people. There’s no need to come out if you don’t feel safe.
If you do decide to, start with those you trust: your close circle, siblings, or by seeking reliable psychological support. It’s best to start with someone who will definitely listen to you and support you.
'I was young when I realized that I was attracted to both men and women. I had a certain feeling that I could not understand or explain just yet.'— Lisa
In a healthy partnership:
- They respect each other.
- They use the correct names and pronouns.
- They trust each other and accept their differences.
- They respect each other’s right to personal space.
- They respect sexual boundaries and the right to say ‘no’ to sex.
- They discuss health issues honestly.
If there is control or violence in a relationship, it is an unhealthy relationship. You have the right to end it.
How can you look after your health if you decide to have sex?
Taking care of your health means approaching sex (oral, anal, vaginal) mindfully and using protection. Any sexual contact carries risks of transmitting STIs and HIV. Regular testing (once a year) is an important practice for you and your close circle.
Pregnancy prevention: If one person has a penis and testicles and the other has a vagina and uterus, pregnancy can occur. Condoms and contraceptive methods are effective forms of protection.
Risks and protection:
- Oral and anal sex: Risk of HIV and STIs. Protection: condoms, dental dams, PrEP.
- Vaginal sex: Risk of HIV, STIs and pregnancy. Protection: condoms, contraception, PrEP.
'Being pansexual is fun—I can explore my sexuality and love all of myself freely' — Tyreese
Your rights and support
Everyone has the fundamental human right to be themselves. No one has the right to define your orientation for you. However, laws and regulations may not always take our rights into account, so it is important to research the situation in your area.
If you need support:
- Reach out to trusted adults in your circle: close friends, siblings or counselling services.
- Look for local NGOs and support groups in your area.
- Consult with allied doctors who guarantee confidentiality.
'Coming out is a long process. I have learned to do it on my own time. My identity is everevolving and I have my whole life to come out to the world. My identity is mine.' — Tyunique
DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE BI? YOU ARE LOVED AND VALUED FOR WHO YOU ARE.
