'Don’t let labels turn you away. Figure out what you want. Experiment with clothing and see what makes you feel comfortable and what makes you feel the truest form of you.' — Erick
What does it mean to be gay?
Broadly speaking, a gay person is someone (often identifying as a man or non-woman) who is attracted to men and non-women. Attraction and relationships can be sexual, emotional, romantic and/or spiritual.
Some people may use other words to identify themselves, such as the umbrella term ‘queer’ . The term ‘gay’ can also be used as an umbrella term, so some women or transgender people may also identify as gay. Different people may feel comfortable using different terminology, so it is always best to ask and respect their preferences.
Key definitions
- Sex assigned at birth: At birth, doctors determine a person’s sex — male or female — based on biological characteristics and chromosomes.
- Gender: What defines a person across the spectrum of femininity or masculinity. This includes both social expectations regarding behaviour and personal self-perception and self-identification.
- Sexual orientation: Who you are sexually attracted to. Sexual orientation is not determined by biological sex or gender. Transgender people can have any sexual orientation.
- Cisgender: A gender identity in which the sex assigned at birth and gender align. For example, a person assigned female at birth identifies as a girl/woman.
- Intersex variations: People with intersex characteristics have genitals and/or chromosomes that do not fit the typical medical binary system of male and female.
Millions of people around the world share this experience, and identifying as gay is a natural part of human diversity.
How do I know if I’m gay — and is it normal?
Being gay is absolutely normal! It’s natural and far from new: gay people have always existed. The process of realising your sexual orientation can be difficult, confusing, or simply take a long time. You might not know how to describe your feelings, and that’s perfectly normal.
Some young people feel from an early age that they are attracted to boys or young men, whilst others may enter into relationships with women before realising they are attracted to people of their own gender. Searching for answers and accepting your orientation is a process that everyone goes through at their own pace.
Questions to consider:
- When I daydream or fantasise about intimacy, are my thoughts directed towards boys or men?
- Can I imagine myself going on a date, loving or being in a relationship with a man?
- Have I ever had feelings for another boy?
- How different are my feelings towards men and women?
- Do I feel different from my straight friends when they talk about girls they like?
Don’t worry if you don’t have the answers to these questions yet. Understanding your sexuality can take time, and how you identify may change. Only you can define yourself correctly
‘You only have one life, live it being authentically yourself no matter what anyone says. You got this.’ — Gregory
What does it mean to be a young gay person?
Young people are paving the way for greater acceptance and equal rights. However, homophobia still exists, and some face discrimination. It’s important to remember that your sexuality is just one part of who you are, and everyone’s experience is unique.
Some may worry about how their friends or peers will react. Some may feel uncomfortable discussing their sexuality with their family, whilst others feel confident doing so. There is no single ‘right’ way to come to terms with your sexuality or to come out. Finding people who will support you on this journey can make it easier. Social media offers the chance to find support from those who understand you.
'I began to recognize that I was gay at a very young age. As I grew older I felt confused, curious, sometimes guilty. The first time I was with a boy it felt like I had tapped into another part of myself. I knew I was gay. Now I love living life to the fullest and being my best me.' — Toraje
Should I come out? How do I do it?
Coming out is the process of accepting your sexual orientation and deciding how openly you want to talk about it. There’s no need to come out if you don’t feel safe or ready. Your safety is the priority.
If you decide to, start with those you trust: your close circle, siblings, or by seeking trusted psychological support. Reactions vary: you may encounter both acceptance and rejection. When young gay men accept their sexuality, most say they feel happier and more confident.
How can you look after your health in a relationship?
Taking care of your health means making informed decisions about what you do and don’t want to do, as well as using protection. Sex (oral, anal, vaginal), including the use of toys, can carry risks of transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV. It is recommended that you get tested regularly.
It is important to know that if one person has a penis and testicles and the other has a vagina and a uterus, pregnancy can occur. Condoms and contraception are effective forms of protection.
Risks and protection:
- Oral sex: Risk of HIV and STIs. Protection: condoms, dental dams, PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis).
- Anal sex: Risk of HIV and STIs. Protection: condoms, PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis).
- Vaginal sex: Risk of HIV, STIs and pregnancy. Protection: condoms, contraception, PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis).
What about HIV and STIs?
HIV is transmitted through sexual fluids, blood or breast milk. If you are sexually active, it is advisable to get tested once a year. Knowing your status is crucial for accessing medical care and staying healthy.
For oral or anal sex, condoms and dental dams provide protection. If you think you may have been exposed to HIV, doctors can prescribe PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) — tablets for additional protection. It is also important to be aware of STIs (chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, HPV, herpes). They do not always cause symptoms, so it is important to consult doctors regularly and get tested.
In a healthy partnership:
- They respect each other.
- They use preferred names and pronouns. They never use the wrong form of address intentionally.
- They trust each other and accept differences.
- They respect the need for personal space (privacy).
- They enjoy activities both together and separately.
- Respect sexual boundaries and can say ‘no’ to sex.
- Discuss contentious issues calmly and find compromises.
- Share their sexual history and health status.
- Approach sex with the same mutual respect applied to other matters.
If there is control, coercion or violence in the relationship, it is an unhealthy relationship. You have the right to end it at any time.
‘Being young and gay can be like watching everyone else have red roses in their gardens. Understand that your garden of kaleidoscope flowers is just as amazing as everyone else.’ — Erick
What are my rights and where can I turn?
Everyone has the right to be who they are. No one but you has the right to define your sexual orientation. However, laws and regulations may not always take our rights into account, so it’s important to research the situation in your area.
If you need support:
- Reach out to trusted adults: close friends, siblings or counselling services.
- Search online for local NGOs and support groups in your area.
- Use the resources on our portal, which contains verified contacts and guides.
- Consult with allied doctors who guarantee confidentiality.
'Coming out is a long process. I have learned to do it on my own time. My identity is everevolving and I have my whole life to come out to the world. My identity is mine.' — Tyunique
DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE GAY? YOU ARE LOVED AND VALUED FOR WHO YOU ARE.
