What does it mean to be a transgender person?
The term ‘transgender’ is used as a general (umbrella) term to refer to all people whose gender identity does not align with the sex assigned to them at birth.
This group includes transgender men and transgender women, as well as non-binary and gender-non-conforming people. If a person’s gender identity matches the sex assigned at birth, they are referred to as cisgender (or a cis person).
The prefix ‘trans-’ in Latin means ‘to move across’ or ‘to cross’, whilst ‘cis-’ means ‘on the same side’. These prefixes are often used in other sciences too, such as chemistry or geography, to describe the position of elements.
What is allyship?
Allyship is the active support of a vulnerable group or community by people who do not belong to it themselves. It is an important part of the journey towards equality, helping society to overcome prejudice.
Allyship can take many forms. You don’t need to be an expert on everything. The main thing is your sincere desire to help those close to you.
Can someone be a transgender person and also be gay, bi or non-heterosexual?
Yes, transgender people are just as diverse in their sexuality as cisgender people.
Sexuality relates to who you are attracted to, whereas transgender identity relates to your own gender. A transgender man may be gay if he is only attracted to men, or bisexual if he is attracted to more than one gender. And a transgender woman can be heterosexual if she is only attracted to men.
I’ve heard someone refer to themselves differently – is that normal?
There are many ways in which people can describe their gender experience. If the person is being serious and not joking, it’s absolutely normal!
If you’re unsure about a term, you can ask directly. If you’re unfamiliar with a word or think it might seem inappropriate, simply ask: ‘Are you comfortable with me using that word?’.
The most important thing is not to use that term indiscriminately for all transgender people afterwards, especially if you think it might not suit others. Remember, transgender people are just as diverse in their preferences as everyone else.
What are pronouns?
Pronouns are the words we use to refer to people when we aren’t addressing them directly (e.g. he, she, they). In Russian, verb and adjective endings depend on the pronoun, so they often carry a strong gender connotation.
- We might say about Ben: what a lovely shirt he has, and how we’d love to compliment him on his taste.
- We might say about Yasmin: what a brilliant portfolio she has, how she helped you, and how much you admire her.
- Or we can talk about Alex: how they recently received an offer for a new job. You’ll miss them, but you know it was their dream job!
Using the pronoun ‘they/their’ in reference to a single person may seem unusual. However, in Russian we already constantly use the plural form for a single person — when addressing someone with the formal ‘you’ (Вы).
When we say: ‘Could you give me directions?’ or ‘You’ve left your umbrella behind’, we use verbs in the plural, even if there is only one person in front of us. This is considered the norm of politeness. Using the pronoun ‘they’ works on a similar principle: it is a way of speaking about a person neutrally and respectfully.
It’s difficult to break a habit when our brains have spent years learning to instantly assign a gender to people (‘he’ or ‘she’). But with time and practice, it becomes much easier to adapt!
How do you know a person’s pronouns and gender?
If you’re unsure of a person’s gender, you often don’t actually need to know this information. If you’re speaking to or about someone, the most polite thing to do is simply ask how you should address them.
You can ask in person:
- “How would you prefer to be addressed?”
- “May I ask which pronouns you use?”
After that, the person will decide for themselves whether to share just their pronouns or tell you more about their identity. The main thing is that you’ve given them the choice.
If you really need to know their gender (for example, to fill in work paperwork), treat it the same way you would any other confidential information. It’s best to ask in person and as part of a natural conversation, so as not to make this seem like something ‘out of the ordinary’.
It might feel awkward at first, but over time it will become second nature and make communication easier for both of you!
If it seems there was no mistake, but I’ve been told off
Remember that the trans and non-binary community is very diverse. You might accidentally say something that upsets someone without even realising it.
The best solution is to apologise sincerely and, if appropriate, politely ask why your words were inappropriate.
If it’s not the right time or the person doesn’t have the energy to explain, you can look up information online yourself using relevant keywords.
If you’re finding it hard to find information on your own, there are resources you can turn to for advice. Some organisations and projects work specifically to support loved ones and allies – they’ll be happy to help.
However, try not to seek clarification from support groups and services created specifically for transgender people. Their resources are often limited and aimed at helping transgender people themselves, rather than educating those around them. They may lack the time and energy to answer every question, even if they are asked with the best of intentions.
A loved one comes out as trans or non-binary: what should you do?
If someone close to you is just coming to terms with their trans or non-binary identity, see this as a privilege and a sign of immense trust — they want to share this journey with you. Coming out can be a very difficult process, and it often happens more than once. This is likely a way of saying that they want you to know their true self.
You may have already suspected this, or the news may have come as a complete surprise. In any case, it’s best not to voice your suspicions (“I had a feeling!”), as this can cause panic or make them feel awkward. It is important to give the person the chance to speak for themselves.
How to react:
- Express your gratitude. Start by thanking them for their trust, as this is a very personal matter. Emphasise that they can count on your support.
- Ask about their name. Clarify: ‘Would you feel more comfortable if I started using a different name or new pronouns?’.
- Leave room for change. They may not be entirely sure yet. Say that you are open to discussion if the name or pronouns change again in the future.
Safety considerations:
Be sure to ask if anyone else knows. They may ask you to use their old name (deadname) and previous pronouns in certain situations (for example, around their parents or at work), because they haven’t come out to those people yet. Switching back and forth can be difficult, but sometimes it’s a matter of physical safety.
Offer your help:
Ask how you can help right now. Depending on how close you are, they might ask you to pass on the news to someone else or help them find specialist support. Or perhaps they just need a hug!
If the transition happened a long time ago:
There is another scenario: they are coming out to you now, but the transition itself happened many years ago, and you simply didn’t know about it. As in the first case, thank them for their trust. But here it is particularly important to ensure that you do not accidentally ‘out’ them (disclose information without consent) to people who are unaware of this aspect of their life.
We’ve been seeing each other less often — is the friendship over?
The period of coming out and transitioning can be very difficult and require a great deal of emotional strength. A person may be going through significant stages that require a great deal of energy: talking to family and at work, changing their wardrobe, finding their own style, attending support groups, seeking specialist help, changing documents, and starting hormone therapy.
Some people go through all these stages, whilst others choose only some of them. In any case, it is a huge burden.
Furthermore, barriers may now arise that you hadn’t even considered before.
Our society can be described as cissexist. This means that it is structured on the assumption that everyone is cisgender, and often fails to account for the existence of trans and non-binary people. The simplest example is public toilets. Many trans people avoid using them for fear of aggression, which can lead to health problems and a reluctance to leave the house unnecessarily.
What you can do:
If you’re worried, ask if there’s anything you can do to help or change the way you interact.
- It might be something simple: visiting them at home instead of going to a crowded place.
- Or perhaps they simply need some time to be alone.
- Help them find contact details for support organisations or groups.
Even if it turns out that the person isn’t trans or non-binary, your trust in one another will only grow stronger, because you were there for them during their journey of self-discovery, rather than demanding ready-made answers. It’s hard to see a loved one going through a difficult time, but let them take the lead where possible.
Why is there so much talk about transgender issues right now?
It may seem as though there is too much focus on this topic, and it’s hard to tell: what are facts, and what is simply someone’s opinion?
Indeed, people are talking about trans and non-binary people more often these days. This is largely due to the development of the internet and social media. Whereas people with such experiences used to feel isolated and alone, it has now become easier for them to find one another, build communities and share information. Thanks to this, society is becoming aware of the existence of trans people.
Transgender and non-binary people have always existed, throughout history and across all cultures. However, the terms we use today are relatively new. Different generations may use different words to describe the same experience. The phenomena themselves are not new — they are simply becoming more understood and visible now.
Unfortunately, not everyone is ready to accept this. Many people still deny the existence of trans people or genuinely do not understand the issue.
To understand, seek out first-hand accounts. Read blogs, books and interviews written by trans and non-binary people themselves. Let them tell their own stories, rather than relying on second-hand accounts and outside opinions.
I have a loved one who makes jokes about trans people
Jokes about marginalised groups can cause real harm and reinforce negative stereotypes. Usually, such jokes stem from a lack of understanding of who members of the community actually are. An effective way to counter this is simply to ask: ‘Why is this joke funny?’. This question often leaves them stumped and gives them pause for thought.
It can be difficult to object when people make jokes about trans and non-binary people, especially if they are close to you. Often, this isn’t done maliciously, but sincerely — out of a lack of understanding and a lack of opportunity to learn something new.
In such cases, it is better to use the tactic of ‘engaging in dialogue’ rather than ‘public condemnation’. This means assuming that the person simply does not know why their behaviour might be harmful. The aim is not to shame them, but to give them the opportunity to grow and learn alongside you.
We hope this approach will help you communicate with your loved ones when you encounter negative attitudes towards the trans community.
Support trans and non-binary people as much as possible, but do not put yourself in danger. Remember that you can always walk away from an argument if it drags on. If someone refuses to acknowledge the existence of trans people, make it clear that you won’t be swayed and won’t engage in a debate on the matter. This will show your loved ones how serious you are and give them time to reflect on it.
How can I show my support?
There are many ways to show your support — choose the one that suits you best!
As we’ve already mentioned, challenging prejudices and myths about trans and non-binary people is a huge help. It creates a safer environment where people can feel comfortable enough to come out.
Not everyone has spare time, but if you feel able and willing, you can find relevant organisations or projects and offer your volunteer support.
Share the work of trans and non-binary people on social media. Their identity isn’t limited to gender identity alone — there are many talented people among them in the arts and literature!
Support the representation of trans and non-binary people in film and celebrate their achievements in politics, sport, the arts and other fields.
Listen to the voices of trans and non-binary people on issues that affect them — including when it comes to the intersection of different experiences. For example, the experiences of trans people from different races and ethnic groups will differ from those of white trans people.
The rights of trans and non-binary people are currently a hot topic. Listen to and support the community’s own views on these issues to amplify trans voices. Where it is appropriate and safe, take part in public discussions to support the changes needed by trans and non-binary people.
Everything I’ve read has made me wonder: perhaps I’m not a cisgender person?
There’s nothing wrong with that! Sometimes it can feel as though other people’s journeys are more meaningful or ‘important’ than your own.
You may feel that trans and non-binary people face far greater difficulties, and you may feel uncomfortable drawing attention to your own journey. But if you are questioning your gender identity, you have just as much right to support as everyone else. Perhaps talking to people you know who have trans or non-binary experiences will help you understand yourself better!
Glossary
Cis: Short for ‘cisgender person’. Refers to people whose gender aligns with the sex assigned at birth. In Latin, the prefix ‘cis-’ means ‘on this side’, whereas ‘trans-’ means ‘crossing to the other side’ or ‘on the other side’.
Cissexism: A social structure based on the idea that all people are cisgender by default. This leads to the needs of trans and non-binary people being ignored.
Crossdresser: A person who wears clothing traditionally associated with another gender. This does not always mean that the person identifies with that gender; it can be a form of self-expression. The terms ‘drag king’ and ‘drag queen’ are also used, but they more often refer to stage personas and performance.
Dysphoria: A feeling of discomfort that trans and non-binary people may experience due to a mismatch between their internal sense of self and how they are perceived by others or how their body appears. Dysphoria may relate to one’s voice, appearance, name, pronouns or social roles.
Marginalised: A term describing groups of people who face social inequality, restrictions or exclusion from public life due to their identity, background or status. A person may belong to several marginalised groups at once.
Non-binary person: Someone who identifies their gender outside the binary system of ‘male’ and ‘female’. The gender of non-binary people may be fluid, combine several genders, or be absent altogether.
Trans-: An umbrella term used to refer to any person whose gender identity does not fully align with the sex assigned at birth.
Trans-man: A man who was assigned female at birth.
Trans-woman: A woman who was assigned male at birth.
Transphobia: Hostility, fear, aggression or discrimination towards people because they are (or are perceived to be) transgender.
