This information applies to all types of relationships with children and teenagers, not just traditional family ties.
Parents play a huge role in the lives of gender-diverse young people. Global research consensus confirms that a supportive upbringing is critical for a child’s mental health, self-esteem and positive outlook on life. Conversely, rejecting behaviour is directly linked to the risk of depression and suicidal thoughts. The most important thing we can do is allow children to be themselves.
Every family is unique. Some may have to worry more about a child’s physical safety outside the home, but all families should consider how their approach affects long-term psychological well-being.
Supportive behaviour
Supportive behaviour strengthens self-esteem and self-worth. Even if certain changes are difficult for you, it is important to show your child your unconditional support.
Creating a safe environment
Home should be a refuge. The ability to make home a place of safety and support is a key factor in a child’s health. This creates a ‘buffer’ against the difficulties of the outside world. If you yourself find it difficult to accept your child’s identity, seek help from a specialist (psychologist).
Demanding respect
It is important to demand that loved ones treat your child with kindness and respect. You cannot change other people’s opinions, but you can set the rules of behaviour in your presence. Protecting the child’s interests often brings parents a sense of relief and inner strength.
Supporting gender expression
This means allowing the child to choose without pressure:
- the clothes they want to wear;
- toys and ways of playing;
- accessories and hairstyle;
- decorative elements in their room.
It is also important to discuss possible negative reactions outside the home and practise responses to them. It is best to discuss your own conflicting feelings about your child’s identity with other adults, without involving the children in this.
Zero tolerance for disrespect
Stand firm when you hear negative comments about your child, even if they are not present. This applies to conversations with relatives, other parents or school staff.
Open and honest communication
Show a genuine interest in how your child sees themselves. Be a partner in this process. This will help you spot stress levels early on and understand whether additional external support is needed.
Rejecting behaviour
Rejecting behaviour undermines self-belief. Gender-diverse young people who do not receive support at home find themselves in an extremely vulnerable position. In our reality, this often leads to deep isolation, running away from home, or losing contact with loved ones. Refusing to accept a child’s true identity conveys a sense of worthlessness and lack of value.
If you recognise your own actions in the list below, try to be kind to yourself. Many people have made mistakes at some point. It is important to commit to supporting your child from this point onwards.
Verbal aggression, shouting and physical violence
These are among the most destructive actions. Aggression will not make your child change, but it will greatly increase the risk of suicide. Try to work through your anger with professionals, without taking it out on your child.
Exclusion from family events
Attempting to avoid ‘embarrassment’ in front of others sends a message of shame. Insisting that the child ‘behave normally’ or imposing binary gender norms (‘dress appropriately’) makes children feel that the comfort of others is more important than their own well-being.
Blocking access to support
Banning communication with gender-diverse friends or attending LGBTQ+ events reinforces isolation. This cuts young people off from a critically important support network and reinforces stigma.
Accusing them of discrimination
Claiming that a child is to blame for the mistreatment they receive from those around them is incredibly dangerous. This conveys the idea that others’ cruelty is justified by the child’s own characteristics.
Condemnation and ridicule
Disrespectful behaviour or turning a blind eye to ridicule from others robs children of their sense of security.
Condemnation based on beliefs
Threatening punishment based on religious or traditional beliefs significantly worsens mental health and erodes trust in family support.
Distress, denial and shame
When a child sees that they cause you only shame and suffering, this pressure turns into an internal sense of guilt. It is dangerous to openly demonstrate denial of a child’s identity or self-expression.
Silence and secrecy
Demanding that they hide their identity tells the child that there is something fundamentally wrong with their sense of self and that the truth about themselves is unacceptable.
Pressure to conform
Even if you want to ‘protect’ the child, asking them to mask their true self suggests that you do not accept the child’s identity in its entirety.
