Most of us know very little about how gender works. That is why it is important to dispel common misconceptions regarding children and young people.
Myth: Children are too young to understand their gender
In fact, most of us become aware of our gender quite early on. According to international research, by the age of four, most children already have a stable sense of their gender identity.
This foundation of identity comes from within each of us. We do not question cisgender children when they talk about their gender at an early age. So why do we question the words of transgender or non-binary children of the same age?
Myth: You shouldn’t talk to young children about gender diversity
We start talking to children about gender from the moment they are born. They are literally bathed in stereotypes about how children of different genders ‘should’ look and behave. These messages come from everywhere: from adults, from books, cartoons and toy adverts.
Research shows that such rigid frameworks prevent children from realising their potential. For example, a major study from 2017 showed that at the age of 5, children make no distinction between boys and girls when it comes to who can be ‘very, very clever’. But by the age of 6, girls begin to view boys as more capable of intellectual games and distance themselves from such activities.
If you do not offer children alternative perspectives on gender, they will simply absorb the stereotypes dictated by society — and in the end, we will all lose out.
Myth: A person is transgender only if they declare it in early childhood
Although many transgender people say they realised their identity as soon as they learnt about the gender spectrum, for others the journey to living openly takes longer.
For some, understanding themselves is a complex process that lasts into adolescence, university or even adulthood. Many feel ‘different’ but cannot link this to gender until they learn the right terms or see role models. Puberty and university years are common times when people begin to better understand their gender. Sometimes a person comes out as gay, lesbian or bi before realising that it is not about sexual orientation, but about identity.
Stigma and fear of rejection often force people to remain silent. Research reveals a significant gap: on average, awareness of one’s transgender identity begins at 7.9 years old, but people only tell their loved ones about it by the age of 15.5.
Myth: There are only two genders
The idea that there are only two options — male and female — is called ‘gender binary’. If a child has a binary gender, it means they identify as either a boy or a girl, regardless of the sex assigned at birth.
But in reality, gender is a spectrum. A person may have a non-binary gender: they may feel like both at the same time, neither of them, or something completely different. Agender people do not feel they have a gender at all.
Myth: Many transgender children may ‘change their minds’
This is a complex topic that requires a sensitive approach. It is important to understand that not all children whose gender expression (clothing, play) differs from stereotypes are transgender. Identity and self-expression are different things. Due to a lack of words, children sometimes need time to find an accurate description of their feelings whilst searching for their identity.
Data from the medical community suggests that transgender children are no less confident than their cisgender peers. The longer an identity remains consistent, the less likely it is to change.
Cases where identity changes are rare, but they do happen — and this is part of human nature, common to all people. The key here is support. Research is clear: affirming a person’s gender is vital for their health and safety.
Each of us strives for harmony with ourselves — a sense of unity between our body, our identity and how society perceives us. Helping children find this harmony means protecting their well-being.
Myth: Being a transgender or non-binary person is a mental illness
This is not true. Transgender identity in itself is not an illness; it is a variant of the norm.
The term ‘gender dysphoria’ exists, but it describes not the identity itself, but the severe distress a person experiences due to the mismatch between their self-perception and the sex assigned at birth. Discrimination and stigma also place a heavy burden on young people’s mental health. Research shows that if a transgender person has family support and recognition of their gender, their mental health is no different from that of their cisgender peers.
Myth: Transgender and non-binary people cannot be happy
Although trans young people are more likely to face risks of suicide, self-harm (deliberate injury to one’s body) and depression, these risks are linked to external pressures, not to their identity itself.
The most powerful factor for success and happiness among young people is family support. Transgender and non-binary people of all ages find love, build careers, start families and live full, happy lives.
