WHAT IS BISEXUALITY?
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation, and bisexual people (often abbreviated to ‘bi’) are those who are capable of feeling attraction to and/or entering into relationships with people of more than one gender. A popular definition of bisexuality, provided by bi-activist Robyn Ochs: ‘The potential to experience attraction—romantic and/or sexual—to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily simultaneously, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree’.
Bisexual people make up a significant proportion of queer youth. Research shows that this accounts for around 75% of young people who identify as LGBT. Remember that people of any gender can be bisexual or feel attraction to more than one gender.
Is Bisexuality Binary?
Some argue that bisexuality reinforces the gender binary because the prefix ‘bi-’ in the word ‘bisexuality’ comes from the Greek prefix meaning ‘two’. Many words describing sexuality were originally rooted in gender binary due to the limited understanding of gender at the time by wider society. (For example: the word ‘heterosexuality’ has the prefix ‘hetero-’, which comes from Greek, meaning ‘the other of the two; different’.)
However, the historical and cultural definition of the term ‘bisexuality’ has always referred to more than one gender, and the current definition is not specifically binary. Definitions of identity are not simply the literal meaning of a word’s root. They are part of our constantly evolving language, which reflects the diversity of the people using these words. Bisexuality has always been inclusive of non-binary and trans people, and its history is inextricably linked to the struggle for the recognition of all genders.
What about pansexuality?
Some people use the word ‘pansexuality’ to describe their attraction to people of more than one gender. Pansexuality is defined as attraction to people of any gender, or to people regardless of their gender. The prefix ‘pan-’ comes from the Greek prefix meaning ‘all’.
Some people use the terms ‘bisexuality’ and ‘pansexuality’ interchangeably, whilst others choose only one label to describe their identity. It is important to ask what words a person would like to use to describe themselves, rather than making assumptions or defining them for others. There is no ‘best’ identity term; there is only the best identity term for you.
Other ways of identifying
Recent research shows that LGBTQ+ young people use over 100 different terms to describe their sexuality! Identities such as omnisexuality, abrosexuality and skoliosexuality can also describe a form of attraction to people of more than one gender, although these identities are not necessarily synonymous or interchangeable with the word ‘bisexuality’.
Multisexuality refers to all identities that include romantic and/or sexual attraction to people of more than one gender. This differs from monosexuality, which is defined as identities involving attraction to people of a single gender, for example, exclusively heterosexual or homosexual identities.
Multisexual identities include:
- Queer refers to an identity that goes beyond heterosexuality. A word that was previously used as an insult but has been reclaimed by the community and used in social movements, ‘queer’ continues to hold deep social significance and serves as a symbol of solidarity.
- Pansexuality is an identity term for romantic and/or sexual attraction to people regardless of gender identity, or to people of all genders. For some pansexual people, gender is not a defining characteristic of the attraction they feel towards others.
- Omnisexuality refers to a person who is attracted to people of all genders, and for whom gender plays an important role in attraction.
- Abrosexuality describes sexual attraction that is fluid and constantly changing.
- Skoliosexuality is a term that refers to attraction to transgender and non-binary people.
- Fluidity refers to a person who experiences changes in their sexual attraction over time and/or depending on the situation. Some people may find that the people they are attracted to, and/or the intensity of those feelings, change from day to day or depending on who they are in a relationship with. Remember that, whilst sexuality can be fluid, attempts to forcibly change a person’s sexuality are harmful and ineffective.
Romantic Orientations
LGBTQ+ young people are finding increasingly diverse ways to describe their attraction, including when it comes to defining their romantic orientation. These terms are important for asexual people who experience little or no sexual attraction. Many asexual people desire romantic relationships, and romantic orientations are a way for aces (short for asexual, used within the community to refer to asexual people) to communicate who they prefer to date or form relationships with. You may hear terms such as biromantic or panromantic. Whether your attraction to more than one gender is sexual or romantic, you are welcome in the bi community.
Do We Need Labels?
Labels can be a huge source of self-understanding for some LGBTQ+ people. As we live in a society where everyone is assumed to be heterosexual and cisgender by default, finding words to define oneself can be an act of liberation. Labels can help people connect with one another, allowing them to feel less alone and build a community together.
Although labels are important, others may find them limiting. It’s perfectly fine to explore different options or avoid them altogether! You are never obliged to define your identity in a certain way or to disclose it, especially if doing so could put your safety at risk.
WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO SUPPORT BI YOUTH
Although all LGBTQ+ young people are at higher risk of experiencing negative mental health outcomes, it is worth noting that bisexual young people statistically face greater challenges than gay and lesbian young people.
According to large-scale studies:
- Almost half (49%) of bisexual young people have seriously considered suicide in the past year.
- 66% of bisexual young people have felt hopeless for two weeks or more. This is significantly higher than in the heterosexual sample (27%) or among other young people within the LGBTQ+ community (49%).
- More than one in three young bisexual people reported being bullied at school, and one in five reported being coerced into sexual activity.
These rates of harassment and sexual violence are particularly high for bi people compared to other groups. These statistics highlight the need to increase public understanding and support. We must do more to make the world a safer place for young bisexual people.
SUPPORTING OURSELVES AND EACH OTHER
Preventing bisexual invisibility and biphobia
What is biphobia?
Biphobia is defined as fear, intolerance or hatred towards people who are attracted to people of more than one gender. For bi youth who intersect with other marginalised identities, the impact of biphobia is amplified.
Common examples of biphobia include:
- Negative reactions to coming out.
- Comments that bi people do not exist or that they need to ‘choose a side’.
- Judging ‘real’ bisexuality based on a person’s relationship history.
- Assumptions that bisexual people are untrustworthy, more prone to cheating, or hypersexual.
- Structural biases, such as being ignored by doctors or denied employment.
Internalised biphobia is a system of negative beliefs that bisexual people are taught about themselves. Under societal pressure, many come to believe that their identity is ‘not real’, ‘less valuable’ or that they are ‘impostors’. It is important to understand: this feeling is the result of a biphobic environment, not your personal problem. It takes time and education to ‘unlearn’ the effects of internalised biphobia and develop self-acceptance.
What is bisexual invisibility?
This is an aspect of biphobia where the existence and legitimacy of bisexuality are questioned or outright denied. The most common example is the automatic assignment of an identity based on current relationships. If a bi woman is dating a man, she is mistakenly labelled ‘straight’; if she is dating a woman, she is labelled ‘lesbian’. This denies the person the right to their own experience and renders their identity invisible, regardless of the reality of their feelings.
Challenging assumptions
One of the main ways to show support is to actively challenge biphobic assumptions.
- Work on reframing your understanding: people in relationships can be of any gender or sexual orientation.
- Do not question people’s words if they share their identity with you.
- If you witness an instance of bi-erasing, respond by stating that bisexuality is real and valid.
Self-care
Fighting bi-phobia can be exhausting. If you identify as bisexual, finding ways to look after yourself is a great way to stay resilient.
- Seek out communities of other bisexual people who can offer support.
- Learn more about bisexual activists and the long history of the fight for bisexual rights.
- Use creative outlets to express your identity.
- Write down affirmations that highlight the value of your bisexuality.
- Seek professional psychological support from local LGBTQ+ friendly services.
What to bear in mind when navigating gender and bisexuality
- Transitioning can affect how you define your sexuality. During gender transition, your attraction may shift or reveal new aspects. This is completely normal and does not make your experience any less valid. If you notice changes in your attraction after transitioning, it is normal to experiment with new labels or none at all.
- Non-binary people can be bisexual. Gender identity extends far beyond the binary. Bisexuality has always included non-binary experiences. It is normal to identify as both bisexual and non-binary at the same time.
- Men can also be bisexual. Bi men are often subject to a stigma whereby any attraction to people other than women is interpreted as gay orientation. Men should be allowed to express and experience attraction to people of more than one gender.
- Bisexual women exist. There is often a harmful narrative that women are ‘just experimenting’ for attention. For women, bisexuality is a valid identity that is not defined by their current relationship. It is crucial to support and defend bi-women.
NAVIGATING RELATIONSHIPS
Exploring different types of relationships
Biphobia can manifest in different ways depending on the nature of your relationship. When it comes to bi people in monogamous relationships, there are often false assumptions that such a person is ‘incapable’ of remaining committed. It is important to emphasise that bi people are just as capable of deep commitment in monogamous relationships as anyone else.
There are prejudices that bi people must, by default, be polyamorous or non-monogamous. This does not apply to everyone. The format of a relationship is not determined by sexuality. Furthermore, biphobia often gives rise to the myth that the desire for a polyamorous structure is ‘greed’. Every person deserves the kind of relationship that makes them feel supported. People of any orientation can choose any relationship structure, and none of them is any less ‘right’.
How can I tell if my relationship is healthy or not?
Statistical data highlights just how critically important it is to be able to recognise warning signs. According to the data analysis:
- 21% of young bisexual people reported being coerced into sexual intercourse (including 24% of bisexual women and 8% of bisexual men).
- By comparison, this figure stands at 16% among other young people in the LGBTQ+ community and just 5% among heterosexual young people.
Statistics show that bi people (and especially bi women) face a much higher risk of violence in intimate relationships. It is important that those close to you recognise and respect your bi identity.
A relationship may be unhealthy or abusive if you experience the following:
- Your bisexuality is dismissed as a ‘phase’ or a ‘way to get attention’.
- Your identity is mocked or you are made to feel ashamed of who you are.
- Your sexual orientation is used as a pretext for baseless jealousy or accusations of cheating.
- They try to excessively control your interactions with people of different genders.
- You are forced to choose between extremes, being required to identify yourself as either ‘completely heterosexual’ or ‘completely homosexual’.
- You are threatened with being outed without your consent.
- They try to isolate you from the LGBTQ+ community or support groups.
- You are manipulated by exploiting existing stigma to convince you that no one but this person will understand you.
If you feel your safety is at risk, seek professional help. You deserve healthy relationships, and you always have the option to seek support and find a safe way out.
BE PROUD OF BEING BISEXUAL
The bi community is full of inspiring people. Remember:
- You don’t need to come out for your identity to be valid.
- Who you’re attracted to, who you date, or who you have sex with doesn’t affect how true your identity is. You’re never obliged to prove your sexuality.
- Your bisexuality is real. You deserve so much kindness and care simply for being exactly who you are!
4 steps to building community support:
- Self-education: Read articles, books and listen to podcasts by bi people about their experiences.
- Active listening: Listen to bi people and trust their experiences without demanding ‘proof’ from them.
- Combating prejudice: Break down internalised biases; work on not making automatic assumptions about sexual orientation based on current relationships.
- Creating spaces: Make your communities, chat rooms and conversations places where bi identity is visible, respected and safe.
